Today I did jack o lanterns with my kids.
The five year old cried a while about which pumpkin was hers. She had the biggest one but she wasn’t sure if she really wanted that one, and her sisters were very sure they wanted the ones that were theirs. It’s hard being five but also I feel like this is a very mature orientation to the world - I’m not sure this is what I really want either, you just get dealt a hand and told you get choices but they’re not really choices! That was an attempt at a joke that didn’t work, or rather, that was an attempt that didn’t work, an attempt at a joke. I’m actually relatively at peace with my life insofar as I’ve played the hands I’ve been dealt with acceptable, well I was going to say precision but that’s absolutely not fucking true, holy shit. Honestly to a significant degree I feel like I’ve less played the hand I’m dealt and more just taken flying guesses, rolled dice to randomly decide how to play these cards. That’s worked out well enough, above all I have these three lovely kids, so I don’t regret anything significantly that’s under my control - because if I’d lived a fundamentally different life I wouldn’t have these kids, and any version of my life without my kids would be a worse life. Of course I do sometimes resent some things in the dealing. I’d like more money and time and whatnot, but that’s not a matter of how I’m playing.So yeah, jack o lanterns. The 14yo and 10yo made very different designs but each is kind of arty. Not arty like conceptual, just that they look nice, they thought about the look and all. I’m proud of and happy for them that they have arty brains they like to artily think with, so to speak. The 5yo made one with big scary sharp teeth. I did all the cutting because I don’t want the little one using a sharp knife and if her sisters were to do so she’s want to as well, and the big girls don’t seem to mind. I guess I could get a serrated safety pumpkin carving knife, I should ask them. I cut the hole in the top and 5 and 14 helped scoop out the guts. 10 is like ‘eww, that feels and looks gross, you do it’ which I don’t totally mind. The other two did a lot of scooping and then asked me to finish up, so I did. Then I cut out the faces. They turned out nice. Each has a distinct look, so they make a fun trio.
I also went on a run by the river today. I think I said, the other day I went and it started raining exactly then so I did a few quick hill runs and called it a day. Today I did my regular run and added about a quarter mile. That felt alright. It’s hard to be patient with the long-termness of this, that really I need to exercise regularly for, well, the rest of my life? Harsh, I feel.
The other notable thing today is that I picked up my groceries. That’s a notable thing? It’s a grey existence I suppose when the oatmeal of grocery pick up tastes like a highlight. The guy in the car directly across from me seems super stoned when he walked to his car and there was a strong weed smell nearby though to be fair I don’t know that it was from him or someone else. I’m just glad someone’s happy.
When I went to call the grocery store to tell them I was there, it didn’t ring. This keeps happening. I try to call someone and I don’t hear any ringing. Then the store called me to ask if I was calling about grocery pick up, so clearly the call had registered. I don’t get it. The world and its technology change too fast. The women who brought my groceries out had a black hoodie with a skeleton front on it, like along the front and sides was a big rib cage as if it was her ribcage. It’s cool, I like skeletons - I have one myself actually, I’m very attached to it - and I’d like a hoodie like that some day.
(I got confused when I went to post this because this is for saturday the 28th and it turns out there already is one for the 28th and I thought 'how did I forget I did one of these already?!' but it's that I wrote it for Friday the 27th but after midnight so it is counted by the blog calendar thinger - sorry to use these dense technical jargon - as saturday the 28th. This post will have the same issue: it's for saturday the 28th but the blog calendar thingy - I find that with repetition technical terms become less threatening, don't you? - will count this as for Sunday the 29th. Stupid blog calendar thingamajig!)
